June 2, 2012

Do I get a discount if I'm having a fuck party at my house?

April 30, 2012

Customer: Is today Cinco de Mayo?

April 24, 2012

Customer: Guy, you want some Pat Benatar records?

November 20, 2011

"The Anna Nicole Show" is playing on the TV
Guy: So was this show made before or after she died?

October 5, 2011

An employee leaves the story with a baby.
Weird guy: Hey, where did that guy buy that baby?

July 29, 2011

Lady: I find it's pretty easy to watch "Brotherhood" when the guys are just so hot. Most gangster shows have such ugly men. Why is everyone so fat and ugly in "The Sopranos"? Tony Soprano looks like some sort of, I don't know, marshmallow man. It's disgusting.

July 19, 2011

Employee: This girl just came in and either hit on me or was making an awkward joke. [repeats what she said]
Regular customer: Dude, ever since Oprah went off the air girls have being saying the craziest shit.
Employee: [laughs]
Regular customer: I'm serious, they don't know what to say anymore.

July 13, 2011

Middle-aged guy: What's the limit on how many movies I can rent? I'm a filmmaker, so I can watch a whole bunch at one time.
Employee: Eight.
Old guy: What movies have you made?
Middle-aged guy: Actually, not any yet. I've made some experimental stuff where I film people who don't want to be filmed, like homeless people. I'm really interested in cinema's ability to do what can't be portrayed on the stage. Hopefully I can make enough of those to move into features and buy my parents a house.
Old guy: Oh, well that's nice.

June 24, 2011

Girl: I doubt you have it, but do you have a copy of Blank Check?
Employee: Yeah, we have that.
Girl: Oh my God, really? The one with the boy and the blank check?
Employee: Yeah.

May 30, 2011

Employee: So is Siegfried from Siegfried & Roy still dead?

May 27, 2011

Weirdo off the street: The yuppies are taking over the town. The worst are the Queer-ofornians, man. They own this town. It's because of the computer.

May 23, 2011

Weirdo off the street: My dog is definitely African-American, she has crushes on little Mexican boys.

May 20, 2011

Old man: Let me tell you what I do. Every time I come in I take about twenty of these empty cases and I take them home and put them on my shelves. When people come over they say, "Wow, he has the biggest collection in modern video!"

May 20, 2011

Girl: I was sent by a friend to pick up some movies and I need some recommendations.
Employee: What kind of stuff does she like?
Girl: Her favorite movie is Domino, so anything like that.
Employee: So basically dumb action movies?
Girl: Yeah, that and documentaries.

May 15, 2011

Customer: Do you know what the difference between "not rated" and "unrated" is?